058. Kill the Dead (2010).

Kill the Dead by Richard Kadrey (2010).

My first-ever vampire/zombie apocalypse book.

Here is one thing you have to know about this book: every possible supernatural creature you can possibly imagine is crammed into this small and somewhat confusing book.

Angels, demons, undeads, zombies, witches, necromancers, wizards, vampires, golems, some sort of army of darkness from other dimension, you name it. They are all here and at each other’s throats.

However, with way-over the top story line and hilarious characters, this book actually is great fun to read.

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layers. – James Stark a.k.a. Sandman Slim. The bounty hunter from Hell. Literary. Going after rogue monsters and eliminating them is his job.

He is spectacularly good at his job and that creates some kind of minor popularity in human society.

Apparently his condition as a half human and half angel gives him an invincibility and some sort of witch-like ability to use black magics which he hates but uses them anyway because they help him get the job done.

Currently, under deep depression, he is spending his life a) killing monsters for bounty b) drinking like whale or c) nothing else. Until off course Army of Zombies are attacking LA and he has to save his zombie-slayer girl friend who got a day job as a mega-popular porn star.

Also, this is a bit annoying but he can’t say any words or sentences without some sort of wise crack or sarcasm. Dirty Harry plus Charles Bronson.

Kasabian.  Like a monster from Nightmare before Christmas, he is just a head on top of small table with lots of legs which works like legs or hands.

 So basically, like a multi-legged wooden dog with a human-head sewed on top of it. Hilarious.

He spends entire day watching/bootlegging movie/porn and drinking/chain-smoking, and reports everything Stark does back to Devil.

So he is actually a Devil’s secret agent, except he tells everything to Stark before he reports anything back to Devil. 

He lives with Stark. A roommate from Hell. Literary.  

Wells.  A guy who runs Golden Vigil which is kind of like FBI supported by Heaven. It is actually owned by Aelite, an invincible Archangel who hates everything not angels or God.

An elegant bastard. 

Carlos.  Owner of Bamboo House of Dolls, a bar Stark frequents. Also, probably the only bar in LA where all the monsters/demons can just sit down and drink without any troubles. Also, the only place on Earth which serves Aqua Regia, Hell’s favorite drink.

He is a cool fatherly figure for Stark.

Brigitte Bardo.  A porn star at front, a zombie hunter at real.

She is the reason Stark decides to go up against Army of Undead instead of abandoning the city for good.

Vidocq and Allegra. A doctor and his helper. Except he is not human and she wants to be some kind of witch doctor.

They fix up Stark whenever he need medical attention. 

Lucifer. King of underground. He hires Stark as his bodyguard.

He is under a lot of pressure from his peers right now. Some of his generals are recruited to revolt against him by his rival and angels are still trying to get him by secretly hiring assassins. That’s why he hires Stark as his body guard.

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lace. – LA. Basically, Hell on Earth. People in LA is so corrupted, demons, angels, vampires and ancient monsters, all sorts of supernatural creatures blend in naturally without any ripple. Make sense.

And underground of LA is apparently connected to some sort of Hell where all undeads(Zombies!) roam for eternity.

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lot. – This is where all the confusion lays. Mainly because, for some reason, the author never bother to explain anything regarding its background. 

Normally, this won’t be a problem if you are reading a story based on real life or history. However, in this book, you can’t find anything even remotely close to ordinary.

Here is the basic settings:

The world is roughly divided into three parts: Heaven, Hell and Earth. Heaven is run by pretty pissed-off angel who wants to do nothing but wipe out entire human race off from the surface of Earth. Something to do with eternal sins. Hell is busy with all kinds of demon rebel forces who want to take over Hell from Lucifer. And Earth, supposedly a middle ground in between, is occupied with all kinds of monsters, half-demons and, off course, angels and demons who hate each other for eternity and trying to use humans as their tools to take down each others.

And then there are couple of other dimensions where every one of them contains army of darkness of some kinds.

You see, I have to figure out above info all by myself, mainly from dialogues and Stark’s monologue and it was really really hard. Hell, I don’t even know if I get all the fact right even after finishing the book . Somebody better put a short history and appendix at the end of the book.

However, what really works in this book is story and characters. There are enough twists and sub-plots to make it a highly entertaining so-called page turner. Also, if you are looking for any kinds of normal or non-threatening characters in this book, don’t even bother. All of them are lethal and either outrageously cool or hilarious. Or both.

Simply put, this is a crazy universe flourished by crazy occupants. Together, they create highly addictive, crazy entertainment.

Here is the main storyline:

In this book, Lucifer is invited to Hollywood for supervising a biography of himself produced by one of his clients, a human who trades their soul for instant fame and power (money). And Stark is summoned as a personal bodyguard for Lucifer who is also, get this!, his father. Yes, that makes Stark a half demon or angel depends on how you look at it. And heir to the darkness!!

Meanwhile, dead people are turning on every corner of the street which, off course, is quite normal for LA but things completely change when Stark finds out they are killed by Zombies. Apparently, someone or something out there is releasing Zombies to the upper world for some reasons and it’s up to Stark to figure out why or how to stop them before they take over entire city because once it happens, no one can reverse it. The world will be forever lost to the dead.

To make things more exciting, Stark meets an absolutely gorgeous European porn star turned a movie star who during her spare time works as a Zombie hunter.

Together, they uncover the sinister plot and save the day. And in order to achieve that goal, Sandman Slim Stark has to slain whole bunch of undeads and some more.

Well, it’s not exactly that easy. In between those storyline, he has to fight and kill a few assassins, zombies, feed a pig’s intestine to Johnny the living dead to extract some info, travel to the underground which is filled with undeads. Also, Brigitte, the Zombie hunter, retires early from storyline because she is bitten by Zombie and is put into cold sleep not to advance the infection.

So, at the end, it’s one hero, Stark=Sandman Slim, vs evil army of Zombies, and Arch Angel and Demons.

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erdict. Life on Earth sucks. Then you die and move up to Heaven or way way down to Hell. That’s if you are lucky because if you are not, you stuck in between and become a Drifter (zombie) and wonder through underground forever and ever until someone unleash you to the surface so that you can feast on fresh meat. That's army of Zombies and that's what Stark has to face at the end of the book.

Because this book contains so much information and sub plot and characters, it gets overwhelmingly clouded in the middle and toward the end. But somehow, the writer manages to connect all the dots at the end and wraps it up with nice bang!! 

And, off course, delicious surprise for the next book.

Like all other great SF writers, this guy really knows how to mix and match all the insane elements into one linear and strong storyline.

Also, like all other books out there which has something to do with Zombies, this book is not for everyone. But if you don’t mind a bit of violence and lots of F-words, this is one of those crazy hidden jam which will stay with you for a long time.