Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins (1980).
Tom Robbins
is a writer who can summarize rise and fall of human race in one short
paragraph and in that paragraph, you will find humor, knowledge, satire,
tragedy and everything else to make your life more meaningful (also, each
sentence will be all nicely rhyming with one another cause he is somewhat of a
poet, too).
He is an
intellectual, a philosopher, a poet, a writer and a guy who knows everything
around us past, present and future.
This kind of
package can’t come with training. You either got it or else and Tom Robbins got
it great. So really great, I think he is one of the champions of 70s through
90s, up there with likes of Hunter S. Thompson,
Douglas Adams, Phillip K. Dick…but probably the funniest of all.
It’s really
unfair that one guy can have so much for so long…
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layers. -
Princess Leigh-Cheri. The last heir to the kingdom. Or so the
CIA is thinking. Ridiculous. She is a retired cheerleader, a social activist, etc. Your typical
tragic beauty who after a bitter split with her boyfriend, exiles into attic of
her huge house.
She has a pet toad named, what else?, Prince
Charming!! which she secretly kisses once just in case, you know…(according to
Tom Robbins, when your are an actual princess, however ridiculous they are, you
have to try certain things that we normal people are not eligible to do like
kissing a toad or growing hair 3 story long so a prince can climb on the
building with it.)
The story
starts when a broken hearted, absolutely gorgeous princess decides to go to
Hawaii for some kind of hippie convention called Care Fest and meets
terrorist Woodpecker. How romantic.
Bernard Mickey Wrangle. aka Woodpecker. A mad
bomber who receives 30 yrs sentence for all his explosive-related terror but
blows out of the high-security cell within a year. Some sort of twisted genius.
Now he is in
Hawaii with 7 dynamites which he somehow smuggles into the country and is
thinking about his next move.
I think his
voice is that of Tom Robbins because he supplies us tons of crazy wisdoms which
is, off course, Tom Robbins’ specialty.
King Max Furstenberg-Barcalonas. After his
exile thirty some years ago to Seattle, USA, King Max becomes a professional
gambler. However, after heart-implant surgery, whenever he gets good hand or
nervous, you can hear his heart beat which is Teflon verve’s metallic noise
from across the street.
So he was
forced to quit his profession and, these days, he just sits and watches sports
on TV, hoping one day his beloved Seattle Mariners and Seahawks win the
championship. Well, at least one did.
Queen Tilli Furstenberg-Barcalonas. Once a beauty queen of all the known world,
now, she is just overweighed, really dumb ex-celebrity.
Her job
these days is attending the tea party/gala/charity, etc which is simple enough
task. However, since they don’t have any servants and she is clinically fat and
it takes her two hours to dress/undress and she changes her outfit three times
a day, Queen’s actual full-time job is dressing/undressing her wardrobes.
Brilliantly stupid.
She speaks
with really thick accent which I can’t place and whenever she gets embarrassed,
instead of saying Oh my God or cursing various kinds of Gods, she says “Oh-Oh,
spaghetti-o”
Gulietta. A really
old servant who comes to USA with king’s family to run the household smoothly.
She
is in her eighties, but still very efficient and energetic and strong enough to
run all the household chores and prepare six meals per day. (Six meals because
Princess is a vegan and King and Queen eat everything but veggies-carnivores.
So two meals for each meal).
She
is probably the smartest person in this book even though she doesn’t speak a
word of English after staying 20 years in US. Since Princess speaks nothing but
English, they communicate with gesture, I think.
She is the one who gives a frog to a Princess and goes
to Hawaii with her too and later on, she plays a very significant role for the
lost kingdom.
Chuck. After CIA
provides the house for the exiled King's family, they sends Chuck as an
informer which everyone in the house knows about.
He
works as a gardener, a body guard and a driver but as soon as he has time,
eavesdrops all the phone calls and conversations even if they are absolutely
NOT necessary. Another one of those big, dumb CIA agent.
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lace. –After
leaving their home country which is now run by a group supported by US
government and, what else?, Roman Catholic Church, the King now resides in a
huge three-story house on the shore of Puget Sound, Seattle provided by CIA.
Since
their mansion is almost covered by blackberry trees, King Max names his castle,
Fort Blackberry, and expects one day, he will be the first king ever to kill by
blackberry trees. I love this guy.
After
a bitter split, Princess goes to Hawaii for Hippie Fest and somehow ends up in
Middle East oil rich country at the end.
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lot. – For Tom
Robbins, the story is just a vehicle to carry his philosophy forward. He has so
much to say about everything, he doesn’t really need story to tell the story.
However, if
there is no storyline what so ever, it will be really hard for simple guy like
me to actually read the book. So He comes up with most unlikely love-story
between beautiful and legitimate Princess and Mad and twisted Bomber (terrorist)
which is strange, funny and gets stranger and funnier at the end.
It starts in
Seattle where all the King’s family has been spending their boring life with
not much events. Then after couple of broken hearts and miscarriages, princess
decides that she absolutely must go to Hawaii to attend Care Fest which is a
convention for environment and spirit and hippies.
On her way
to Hawaii, she meets Bernard the Woodpecker and they deeply fall in love with
each other.
Just out of
excitement and be true to his reputation, Bernard blows up couple of buildings
with his dynamite and finally runs out of his luck and get arrested by FBI.
By this
time, King and Queen finally realize that their daughter is an unbelievably hot
sexpot and starts shopping around for possible candidates for her daughter’s
husband and their chance to regain wealth.
After
moaning Woodpecker’s imprisonment for months, Princess Leigh-Cheri finally
gives in and marries ultra-rich oil man named A’ben Fizel and somehow convince
him to build a pyramid for her( yes, actual life-size pyramid). Something to do with spirit and UFO and love,
etc, etc.
There is coup
and
explosion and believe or not, a happy ending at the end.
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erdict. – This is a
strange LOVE STORY nicely wrapped up with all the crazy wisdoms which probably
will not help improve your life at all but surely gives you a good laugh and
something to think about.
Also, in
this book, a lot of sentences are neatly arranged with rhythm giving it a song-like
feeling which is quite amazing for a novel. According to his recent interview, (yes, he is
still alive kicking hard and in fact, just releases his memoir) it takes
sometime a week for him to come up with one right sentence. So after all, he is
not just a genius but a hard working genius which in my opinion is invincible.
So, this is
a book written by an invincible genius, and although according to my friend who
read all his books, this is not one of his best works, it still is a fantastic
book which has so much in it. You probably have to give it a couple of shots to
fully appreciate the value of his wisdom and world view like I do.
A really
funny and interesting book which talks about the meaning of life like it’s
nothing more than a cup of coffee. They just don’t write book like this
anymore.
